Journal of an Invader
by Zim'sMostLoyalServant
Summary: What if Zim had kept a journal of his mission? Behold how the series would have appeared through his eyes.
1. Entry 001 to Entry 005

**A/N: Well, this is just a little project I'll be doing on the side during my other stories. Basically, it came to me like this: What if Zim had kept a journal? How would he have described the events that occurred during the series? Well, this is what I think it would be like. Read on!**

**Disclaimer: Jhonen Vasquez owns Invader Zim and all related characters, and I don't. Doesn't really seem fair, does it?**

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**Journal of an Invader**

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**Entry #001**

Oh, this is a GLORIOUS day! I, Invader Zim, have been granted by the Almighty Tallest Red and Purple a top-secret mission of the utmost importance to our mighty Empire's conquest of this galaxy! Therefore, I have decided to keep a journal of this mission, so that one day, all Irkens shall know how I, Zim, carried out the most important part of Operation Impending Doom 2.

But, I suppose I should start at the beginning. I was carrying out my exile on Foodcourtia (and I STILL say the Control Brains were overreacting about the whole "Ruining Operation Impending Doom 1" thing- it's not like I blew up the WHOLE planet), and during my bi-monthly break, I was watching the Intergalactic News when I saw an announcement for the Great Assigning being held on Conventia. Realizing my invitation must have been lost in the mail, I quickly got my Voot Cruiser out of the local impound lot and headed towards Conventia as fast as possible.

I arrived at Conventia a few hours prior to this writing, just as the Assigning was ending. I probably would have gotten there sooner, but the orbital parking was just HORRIBLE. I had to cram my Voot between two Shuvvers in order to get a spot on the docking ring.

Anyway, I arrived in the Main Hall just as the Tallest had assigned Invader Skoodge to planet Blorch, home of the Slaughtering Rat People, who'll probably eat him alive within the first day… eh, better him than me.

Back on topic… I told the Tallest that I was ready to serve again, but they told me that they were still upset about me rampaging across Irk in a Battle Mech during Impending Doom 1. Seriously, one little mistake and they never let you forget it.

But I am nothing if not persistent. I begged and begged them to give me a chance, even when they tried to buy me off with a sandwich (which was delicious, by the way). Finally, after reminding them that Invader's blood runs through my veins, they relented, and even gave me the honor of a special mission to a mysterious planet no one's ever heard off, because those who _do_ know of it, dare not speak it's name- not even the Tallest themselves.

Naturally, I accepted this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. And, in addition to the special mission, I was entrusted with a highly advanced SIR unit prototype called GIR. I'm not quite sure what the "G" stands for, but who cares? He's an advanced piece of machinery, and he's mine! Not yours! MINE!

Of course, he seems a little… insane, but I'm sure it's just because he's so advanced his thought processes can't be understood. Right now he's singing what he calls the "Doom Song", which is actually quite catchy. Actually, he hasn't stopped singing since we left Conventia, but I'm sure he'll stop soon.

Well, that pretty much covers everything for right now, so I think I'll catch some recharge. I've got a big day ahead of me tomorrow.

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**Entry #002**

Okay, hit a slight snag with the mission- it occurred to me today that I have NO IDEA where I'm going! I was in such a rush to leave Conventia that I forgot to ask the Tallest for directions to the planet! Gah, this is so EMBARRASSING! And to make matters worse, GIR is STILL singing the Doom Song, and to be totally honest it's starting to get on my nerves.

But I am ZIM! The greatest of all Invaders! I will not be deterred by a lack of direction or an irritating SIR unit. I know the general direction of the planet (more or less), so I'll just keep going that way until I find it. And as for GIR… well, he can't keep it up forever, right?

Anyway, I've also decided that I'll only write entries for this journal when something important happens. That way, I'll save space on this datapad. And besides, it shouldn't be too long before something important does happen.

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**Entry #003**

Well, something important DID happen today- I realized that if I don't find that planet soon, I'm going to go completely INSANE! I've been cramped up in this ship for three months. THREE MONTHS! And the only company I've had is this stupid robot, who has NOT stopped singing the same song for the WHOLE TRIP!

If we don't find someplace to land soon, I am going to rip GIR apart circuit by circuit! I don't care if I am destroying an advanced prototype- there isn't a Control Brain in the Empire that would find me guilty!

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**Entry #004**

Thank the Gods! Another three months of nonstop singing later and I have finally found the planet I've been looking for- which is very fortunate for GIR, because I was about ten seconds away from smashing in his CPU.

But, back to the important part of this entry. As I said, after six months of flying through space, I have FINALLY found the secret planet the Almighty Tallest have sent me to conquer. It is known as "Earth" and is dominated by a race of primates known as "Humans".

I quickly landed on the outskirts of what appears to be an average human city. After designing some INGENIOUS disguises for myself and GIR (me as a human, him as a dog), I quickly and discreetly built a base for myself. The humans never suspected a thing.

After taking these preliminary steps, I searched for the most efficient way of finding further information on this planet. I have found that young humans- whom, due to my unfortunately small stature, I am more easily able to blend in with- attend an educational facility known as "Skool". I have enrolled via my highly superior computer systems, and begin attendance tomorrow.

Through the human's own educational system, I will learn all I need to in order to conquer this planet. And then all shall kneel before ZIM!

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**Entry #005**

Well, the first day of the mission is done, and it has yielded some… interesting developments. At the Skool, I have been placed in a class led by an INCREDIBLY old human female known as Ms. Bitters. At least, I _think_ she's human- she could be some sort of sub-species; I'll have to do more research on that matter.

As I was saying, I quickly assimilated myself into the class. The humans were all completely fooled by my BRILLIANT disguise. All except for ONE, that is…

A particularly big-headed male human child known as Dib _somehow_ saw through my AMAZING disguise and my cover story about having a skin condition. Fortunately, all the other stink-beasts seem to believe that Dib is insane, and no one believed him when he said that I was an alien.

I was beginning to think that these dirt-monkeys would be pushovers, but Dib has shown the potential to be a worthy adversary. After Skool let out for the day, Dib confronted me and told me he plans on capturing me and exposing me so that he can prove to everyone that he is not insane. FOOLISH WORM-BABY! I am ZIM! A mere human cannot defeat me!

HOWEVER, this fact did not stop him from chasing me all over the city in a vain attempt to catch me. I called in GIR to transport me back to the base, but Dib somehow managed to follow us. And in a way, I'm glad he did- I gave the child a taste of SUPERIOR Irken technology when my security drones destroyed the sleep-cuffs he was intending on using to capture me.

After Dib was chased off, I contacted the Almighty Tallest and informed them that the mission is under way and going well. There were so impressed with how well I'm doing so far that they were speechless! And why not? After all, I am ZIM! I do not settle for anything less than perfection when it comes to my work. And soon, all shall praise the name of Invader Zim, greatest of all Invaders, and conqueror of the Earth! For my reign of doom begins!

Right after my spine stops being broken from GIR falling on me after I was done communicating with the Tallest, anyway.

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**A/N: Well, that covers "The Nightmare Begins", with a little speculation about the six-month period between Part 1 and Part 2.**

**For those who are wondering, I will base entries around each episode, and do every episode in order of its production code. As for the unproduced episodes… well, I'll worry about those when I get there.**

**But that'll be a while, as updates on this will be infrequent. It'll only be when I'm not too busy with my other stories or my schoolwork.**

**Until next time, read and review!**


	2. Entry 006 to Entry 008

**A/N: Okay, while I wait for the hits and reviews to stack up on the latest chapter of 'SotF', I figured I'd get in another entry on the journal. According to the production codes, "Bestest Friend" was next; so let's see what the Keef incident would have looked like from our favorite Invader's point of view. Read on!**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Invader Zim. If I did, he would be emperor of the Earth by now.**

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**Entry #006**

Another day on this DISGUSTING planet, and it has allowed me to attempt a human sociological experiment.

It was the lunch hour at the Skool, when one of the worm-babies knocked my face down into a bunch of peas. The pain was EXCRUCIATING! What was worse, however, was how strange this seemed to the _other_ humans. One of them suggested that it was odd that I did not have any friends- of course, this was after first mispronouncing my name as "Zit". My name is NOT ZIT! I AM ZIM! ALL THESE FILTHY HUMANS WILL KNOW IT WHEN I AM THEIR SUPREME OVERLORD!!!

…Where was I? Oh, right, the "no friends" thing.

Anyway, I was about to correct the hideous girl-child about the pronunciation of my name, when she pointed out that it was "inhuman" for me not to have any friends. I instantly realized what this meant- Dib or some other human scientist would notice that I had no companions and would have perfect evidence that I'm not human! They'd stick me in a tube and put me on display!

I quickly concluded that I needed someone who could pass as a "friend". Someone who I, Zim, could easily bend to my will, but who was desperate enough to actually want to spend time with the "green freak", as some of the other children call me (which is still better than some of the insults I've heard in my life).

So, I grabbed some of the class "rejects"- the children who are held in _very_ low esteem by the others- and subjected them to some INGENIOUS tests to decide who would be most worthy to be my friend, if only temporarily. The only child to pass these tests was an annoying orange-haired male named "Keef".

It never ceases to amaze me what STUPID names these humans have…

As I was saying, I chose Keef to be my friend and started showing him off to all the other students so that they can see that Zim is NOT abnormal. After having "fun" for the whole day, Keef escorted me back to my base, where I promptly thanked him for his help and then dismissed him.

That was when things got _weird._

First, the fool-boy called me on the phone (a primitive human communications system I installed for appearance's sake), and then, while I was in the middle of explaining to him that I no longer required his services, I got a call on the other phone line.

It was Keef. He was calling me on two DIFFERENT phone lines at the SAME FRAGGING TIME! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS HUMAN!

And then I saw that he was circling the house- which serves as the surface level of my base- on a bicycle. Deciding that I'd had enough human creepiness for one day, I've relocated to my main control chamber, located far underground. Keef will have to give up and go home eventually, and he's not going to get into the house-level. I've told GIR to not let anyone into the house, and there's nothing that can override a superior SIR unit's loyalty.

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**Entry #007**

I REALLY need to update GIR's security protocols. I ORDERED him not to let anyone into the house, but what did I find when I came up here this morning? KEEF! In my KITCHEN! Making WAFFLES!

I quickly threw him out of the house and said that I'm sick and therefore wouldn't be accompanying him to Skool today. Hopefully, a day away from me will break whatever hold I seem to have on him… but then again, I suppose it's understandable. After all, I am Zim, and am therefore quite admirable.

HOWEVER, the mission the Almighty Tallest have given me must always come first, and having a FILTHY human hang around me all the time would only endanger the mission. He'd either distract me from my various experiments and whatnot, or worse, discover the lab and then report me to the human authorities!

Which is not to say that this whole thing has been a waste of time. After all, I have shown the humans I am capable of having friends, so there'll be no reason for any of them to suspect me of not being human… well, there's still Dib, but that's a whole other story. Also, this has given me an excuse to not go to that wretched educational facility today. I can take the opportunity to work on some more experiments, or better yet, just really relax for the first time since arriving on this spinning ball of dirty… uh… dirt! Yes, that's it! Spinning ball of dirty DIRT!

Anyway, right now all I'm doing is recording this and watching the television, and GIR just walked through the door with a grocery bag of stuff… wait, what?! I didn't tell him to get supplies! Hang on while I check this out.

…

…

GAH! What is _with_ these humans? Can't ANY of them just take a hint?! I have told Keef several times now that I don't want anything to do with him, but according to GIR, he's going to invite all the children over to the base after Skool for a party! A party! Of HUMANS! In my BASE!

Oh, I can see it now: they'll celebrate and dance alright… around the tube I'll be stuck in before my autopsy! And then they'll turn my base into a theme park! With roller coasters! And balloons! And pastel-painted walls! Oh, it's too HORRIBLE to even think about!

But there is HOPE! I still have a few hours before Skool lets out and the humans come, and considering my AMAZING intellect, it should be no problem to come up with a solution to this… and a way to deal with Keef. I have ENOUGH human problems with the Dib.

I'll report back in once I've resolved this crisis.

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**Entry #008**

Ah, that's MUCH better. The humans have been scared off, and as for Keef… well, I don't think HE'LL be a problem for a while. Heh-heh.

But I suppose I should explain: I quickly realized that Keef is so obsessed with the amazingness of Zim, that he'll never stop following me. But, what if he was following something else that he only THOUGHT was me? So, I quickly built some robotic ocular implants and disguised them as a present for my "friend".

When Keef opened the "present", his eyes were removed and replaced with the implants. It was… rather disgusting, I'll admit. But it was necessary for the mission! For the implants hypnotized Keef into believing that a squirrel- that happened to be outside my window at the time- was me!

He followed the squirrel outside, and started chasing it everywhere. This behavior quickly made the other humans believe he was insane, and they ran off. So, to recap the positive elements of these past couple of days: I have shown the Earth-monkeys that I am NOT inhuman in any way, I have prevented my base from being discovered, and one of the humans obsessed with me has been temporarily eliminated- or maybe PERMANENTLY. I think I heard an explosion after Keef disappeared from my sight…

Eh, who cares? I'm going to go see if GIR's done baking that party cake yet. I'm hungry.

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**A/N: So, what did you think? There were some places where it felt like I wasn't really writing Zim in character, but that could just be me imagining things.**

**Also, did anyone like how I described how Zim imagined the things that would happen to him? To be honest, I couldn't find the transcript for this episode anywhere online, so I re-read the chapter on this episode in ngrey651's story "Invader Zim: The Series" and more-or-less used his description. Speaking of which, Nick, you don't mind if I use your fic as reference material, do you?**

**Read and review!**


	3. Entry 009

**A/N: Okay, I've made a decision- I'll start alternating between updating "Shadows of the Future" and updating this. This is to satisfy all the people who want to see more journal entries. Anyway, read on!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Invader Zim, Zim would be ruler of the world, and Gaz would be his dark queen. But, sadly, that is not the case.**

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**Entry #009**

Now, how shall I begin to describe what has been quite possibly the most DISGUSTING thing I have had to do since I began this mission? Well, I suppose it'd be simplest to tell how it started, and just go from there.

Today in class, the teaching drone Ms. Bitters (whom I'm STILL certain is NOT human) was going on about some plague spread amongst the humans by rats a few centuries ago, which apparently killed a great portion of the population of one of the main continents. Which reminds me, I should research the possibility of releasing large numbers of rats into the cities- even if the pig-smellies are immune to this plague now, the vermin can still be used to distract them so that I can blow them all up! Mwa, ha, ha, ha!

…Ahem, sorry. Kind of lost my focus for a moment there.

Anyway, as I was saying, Ms. Bitters was going on about the plague, when a pigeon (a FILTHY Earth-Bird) flew in through the window and landed on my head. Ms. Bitters said that I had "head pigeons" and told me to go to the nurse… and then placed on me a hall pass that would explode should I attempt to leave the Skool. Say what else you will about humans, their ability to make objects that can cause harm is really quite admirable.

As I was leaving the room, Dib- being the irritating little worm-baby that he is- pointed out that because of my lack of human organs, the nurse-drone would see through my INGENIOUS disguise. But, naturally, I came up with a BRILLIANT solution- I decided to steal organs from the humans and place them within my own body.

My first victim was the hall monitor I bumped into when I had this epiphany. I removed his liver and replaced it with the hall pass… Gods, I love irony.

I proceeded to begin harvesting organs from every other human I came across, and replacing them with whatever objects happened to be lying around. It was rather fun, I must admit, watching all those dirt-monkeys doubled over in pain from having objects stuffed in their bodies. Also, they all started turning a delightful shade of green; much better than those PUTRID shades of pink and brown they usually are.

And, of course, Dib somehow saw through my AMAZING scheme- which I don't understand. None of the other humans seemed to notice my sudden abundance of organs, so why should Dib? Just because I ended up bloating to the size of a Vortian sky-whale… which is NOT my fault, by the way! These humans have SO MANY organs! I mean _really,_ it's a waste of space.

Where was I? Oh, right- the Dib! He started saying how I couldn't do this, I had to stop, blah, blah, blah, his usual heroic rant. I need to remember when I become SUPREME MASTER of this DISGUSTING DIRT-BALL to make it illegal for the humans to speak for more than ten seconds at a time… unless they're praising the greatness of ZIM, of course.

Anyway, one good thing did come out of the stink-beast talking to me: he reminded me that while I had been stocking up on all the other organs, I had forgotten to grab some lungs. I quickly began searching, and found that I had taken organs from practically every child in the Skool (and I couldn't take more than one organ per human- the authorities might notice something, oblivious though they are). I then found that there were only two children whom I had not taken organs from- Torque Smacky and Dib himself.

I grabbed Smacky first, but only took one of his lungs, which I replaced with one of his barbells. Why did I only take one from him, you ask? Because I didn't want to spare Dib from all the PAINFUL process of having his organs replaced with stuff, which would cause PAIN!

So, after I was done with Smacky, I began chasing Dib through the hallways of the Skool, until I finally cornered him and replaced one of his lungs with a toy can that moos every time it's turned over. I dunno, I found it funny.

Afterwards, we both went to the nursing office, where the nurse-drone got rid of the pigeon- that was still on my head after all this- and was fooled by my abundance of human organs. I AM A GENIUS!

And the best part is, when she checked on Dib and heard the "moo can" in his chest, she proclaimed him to be not human, and he was carried off by some scientists- apparently, they thought he was some kind of "Hideous Mooing Cyborg Boy". Eh, they're right about the first part. And at least this will keep Dib busy for a while. Hee-hee.

But, now that I've tricked a trained human medical professional into thinking I'm normal, I think I'll give the FILTHY humans their DISGUSTING organs back. After all, I have no practical use for them, and I don't want their human FILTH to infest me.

Maybe I'll start with the Dib-Monkey's sibling, the purple-haired female in the dark clothing whose stomach I replaced with her gaming console- Gaz, I believe her name is. Why start with her? Well, I'm going to be honest… she _scares_ me.

I know what you're probably thinking: the great ZIM, scared of a human female? And a child, at that? Well, considering the almost demonic personality she has, I find it totally rational. She's even worse than Bitters, and _that_ is saying something. I do NOT want to get on her bad side… Actually, make that her WORSE side, because I don't think she has a GOOD side to begin with. Hmm, maybe I can try and recruit her. After all, there's no law against an Invader getting help from the local populace in order to conquer a planet.

Meh, I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Until next time, Invader Zim signing off!

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**A/N: Well, there's "Dark Harvest" out of the way. I know, it's only one entry, but I couldn't find any place in the episode to take a break and split it up. More entries will probably be like that in the future, just to let you know.**

**Read and review!**


	4. Entry 010 to Entry 012

**A/N: I know I haven't updated this in a while, but since I currently have a bit of writer's block on "Shadows of the Future" I decided to do another journal installment. And according to the production codes I found online, "Parent-Teacher Night" was next. So, let's see what that looked like to Zim, shall we?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim or any related characters, but I do own the computer I'm writing this on.**

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**Entry #010**

GAH! Curse these humans and their ridiculous customs! It's not as if this day didn't start off bad enough- the last class dragged on _forever_, with that old crone Ms. Bitters going ON and ON about how there was nothing before the Big Bang.

-_Snort_-

Stupid humans! There was no "Big Bang". _Everyone_ knows that the universe was created when the gods drank too much at a party and threw up all over this plane of reality…

Where was I? Ah, yes, I was complaining about how TERRIBLE this day was.

Anyway, after the dismissal bell FINALLY rang, but before I could leave, Ms. Bitters mentioned how tonight is "Parent-Teacher Night" and that all students are obligated to bring their parents to the Skool. I, ZIM, of course refused to have anything to do with such a nonsensical ritual, but apparently, I agreed to attend when I was distracted with a VERY important matter. Anyone who says I was just balancing a pencil on my lips is a lying sack of DOOKIE!

And _naturally_, the Dib-monkey had to put in his two monies on the matter… saying that I don't know what a parent is… How DARE he insult the cold unfeeling robot arm that granted the universe the gift of my Zimmy-existence?!

But that just brings me to the REAL problem. In order for me to continue to pass as a NORMAL human pig-smelly, I would need to have a NORMAL pair of parents. But my robotic decoy parents are COMPLETE failures when it comes to social interaction- as evidenced by the fact that when I got home today, they were assaulting an Avon Lady (whom GIR later robbed blind, but eh, who cares?).

Fortunately, I AM ZIM! And ZIM is a GENIUS! I have decided that I will reprogram the Robo-Parents using videos of normal human parent behavior. A couple of hours of watching this, and there'll be NO way for Dib to be able to convince anyone that they are not normal humans!

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**Entry #011**

SUCCESS! I have just tested out the Robo-Parents, and they are acting PERFECTLY! Just like the human parents in the videos. No random comments, no slamming into walls, no hitting themselves or others (namely ME) with large painful objects; just normal, human mannerisms. They'll blend in perfectly at the "Parent-Teacher" thing-a-ma-bob.

Heh, I was worried for a little bit that by leaving GIR to monitor the situation, I had made a terrible mistake, but everything seems to be working fine. Now, off to the Skool!

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**Entry #012**

That stupid robot! I never should have left GIR in charge of the Robo-Parent's reprogramming! I just KNOW this was his fault somehow! He probably turned off the "Proper Earth Parenting" video I was making them watch and started channel surfing! That's the only explanation for what happened tonight…

Let me back up. At first, everything was going just fine. The Robo-Parents fitted in with the other, human, parents just fine. They just talked, listened to embarrassing stories about the other worm-baby students, yadda-yadda, and I even got to knock punch into Dib's face.

But that's when things went HORRIBLY wrong! The Robo-Mom started poking some woman in the head, and when I tried to stop her, she threw me into the punch bowl. ME! ZIM! Soaking wet in PUNCH! And of course, that STUPID bigheaded pain-in-my-spooch then dumped even MORE punch on me afterwards. But before I could make Dib pay for insulting me in such a manner, things with the Robo-Parents got WORSE!

The Robo-Dad slammed himself into the wall repeatedly until one of his arms popped out! I was able to quickly fabricate a story about him losing his arm in a war, but meanwhile, Robo-Mom was STILL poking the old female human. I tried to convince her that we should return home, but instead, she and the Robo-Dad decided to "cheer me up" by beginning to RIVERDANCE!

Where the FRAG did they learn to RIVERDANCE?!

Luckily, that was when the genius that is Zim came up with a plan! I pretended to have broken my spine so that the Robo-Parents would take me home. Which they did… by flying out the window RIGHT in front of everyone! Fortunately, all the humans were busy tending to the female that the Robo-Mom had nearly poked to death. Well, except for Dib, but everyone thinks he's insane, so no problem there (THIS time).

I've decided to NEVER let the Robo-Parents out of the base again. They're simply too much of a security risk, even when reprogrammed…

-_Sigh_-

I need to boost the medical flow in my PAK. I'm getting a headache.

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**A/N: Well, that's another episode out of the way. I once again want to thank ngrey651 for letting me use his story "Invader Zim: The Series" as a reference for writing this story. It's been a huge help.**

**Read and review!**


	5. Entry 013 to Entry 015

**A/N: I know it's been a while since I've updated this, but between schoolwork and focusing on finishing up "Shadows", I've been too busy. But, here we go know, with Zim's view of the events that took place in "Walk of Doom".**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Invader Zim, would I be writing fan fiction?**

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**Entry #013**

You know, there are days when my incredible genius amazes even me.

I was in the lab looking over GIR's blueprints trying to figure out why he acts so stupid for such an advanced prototype, when I noticed something. Like all SIR units, GIR has the finest in guidance system chips, but his seemed to be a little damaged.

Deciding that I, ZIM, will not settle for sub-par equipment, I took his guidance chip and repaired it. And improved it, of course. After all, I am Zim, and Zim is a genius!

After reinstalling the chip (and removing the bee hive GIR somehow managed to fit in his head), I tested it. It works perfectly – not that I doubted it would. Anything designed by Zim is bound to exceed all expectations.

Anyway, after doing some preliminary tests, I have decided to take GIR into the nearby human city. I will wander around until I am hopelessly lost, and then I will activate GIR's guidance chip and have him bring me back to the base. In addition to testing the chip, this will not only allow me to further observe the _filthy_ humans, but also to test my newest _ingenious_ disguise.

Now, if I could only get GIR to stop watching that _blasted _monkey on the television, we could get going already!

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**Entry #014**

Well, it's official – I am never taking GIR _anywhere_, EVER AGAIN!

That idiotic little tin can left the guidance chip back at the base! And why? For a cupcake – a _fragging_ cupcake! And does he bother to tell me this when I still know where we are? No, of course not, because that would make things easy. He didn't tell me this until we were smack-dab in the middle of enemy territory with no idea of how to get out!

Of course, the innate survival skills I gathered during my Invader training on Devastis kicked in. I managed to use pieces of garbage to create a compass… unfortunately, it became magnetically attached to GIR, rendering it useless to my needs.

After that, I decided to use the humans' own primitive transportation system against them. Unfortunately, in order to ride the public transport known as the "bus" I had to pay with Earth monies, which I did not possess. I demanded that the bus drone take me where I wanted anyway, but that grotesque sack of flesh threw me out on my _chort'a _like a common _schlupa!_

I then decided that I didn't need these stupid monkeys' transportation system anyway. After all, all I needed to do was to figure out which direction the base was in, and all I needed to figure that out was to watch the Earth's sun and see which direction it was setting in.

I know what you're thinking: It's a simple plan, yet brilliant. How could it go wrong?

Very easily. I don't know how, but the humans managed to somehow booby trap their sun. The minute I began observing it to see which direction it was moving in, the skin on my eyeballs burned off!

Filthy humans! How dare you damage Zim's superior eyes!

I'm just glad this journal has an audio recording function. I'd hate to have to try and write this when I can't even _see_. Well, I might as well get some rest while I'm waiting for my eyes to grow some new skin.

Invader Zim signing off.

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**Entry #015**

Well, that only took a few hours. Unfortunately, that was several hours spent in this filthy disgusting city of disgusting FILTH!

On the plus side, the period of time it took to heal helped me to realize that – as much as I hated to admit it – the bus probably was the best bet to get out of the city and back to the base. But I needed monies if I was going to be able to pay to use that primitive mobile junk pile, so I decided to swallow my pride and do something completely humiliating.

I went to the city park and… ugh, I can't believe I'm saying this… entertained the worm-babies.

I impersonated a strange human called a "mime" while GIR pretended to be a windup toy. I know, it's pathetic, but it worked. Some disgusting old pig-smellie in the most _idiotic_ outfit I have _ever_ seen gave me a huge stack of the monies that humans call "bills".

I have no idea who Bill is or why the humans decided to name their monies after him, but at the moment I didn't really care. All I cared about was that I was now capable of getting out of this gods-forsaken city.

But as soon as I got on that _filthy_ machine, I nearly lost my AMAZING mind! It was hot, it smelled like dooky, there was this creepy clown with MEAT in his HAIR, and worst of all there was this creepy little human baby that kept staring at me. It wanted to eat my BRAINS! MY SUPERIOR BRAINS!

I couldn't take it anymore and jumped off of the bus. Fortunately, I came up with _another_ brilliant plan. I realized that by going up on the roof of one of the taller buildings and using the telescopic function of my ocular implants to locate the neighborhood containing my base.

I knew that I could have done this the whole time, of course. But, I was just, uh, exhausting all my possibilities. Yeah, that's what I was doing. Anyone who says otherwise is a stupid meat-sack of STUPID!

Anyway, I found a suitably tall building and entered it, only to be attacked by the local human law enforcement. Apparently, my _brilliant_ disguise happened to look like some sort of criminal they were looking for, and it was – naturally – perfectly convincing. Unfortunately, in this instance, that was a _bad_ thing.

The law enforcement drones chased me all the way to the roof, where I quickly ascertained the direction I needed to go in. And then, just as the law enforcers were about to corner me, I leapt from the building and had GIR activate his jets to carry me home.

Then he ran out of fuel and we fell fifty stories into a dumpster.

And do you want to know why? Because that stupid robot decided to empty his jets and fill them with tuna! That's twice in one day he messed up the mission! What is wrong with him?!

Fortunately, I had crashed near a more private mode of human transportation called a "taxi". I gave the transport-slave operating it all that was left of the human monies and ordered him to go in the direction of the base. Now, I'm just sitting in the back of this smelly contraption waiting for it to get to the cul-de-sac where I built my home. Although, it seems to be taking longer than I thought, and I don't really recognize anything outside.

Hold on, there's a sign coming up, that should tell me where I am. Okay, wait a minute… What the heck?

Why am I in MEXICO?!?!

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**A/N: Hmm, I thought this chapter would turn out longer than this. Oh well, it was still pretty long for one of the shorter episodes.**

**Read and review!**


	6. Entry 016 to Entry 018

**A/N: Okay, it's been a while since I've updated this, but I figured that this would hold you all over while I'm working on the first chapter of "Evolution of Evil". Besides, I'm up to "Germs", which was one of my favorite episodes.**

**I hope you all enjoy. Read on!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim. If I did, I would have let Jhonen Vasquez do whatever he wanted with the story.**

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**Entry #016**

I know I've always said that humans are filthy, but it wasn't until today that I realized just HOW filthy.

GIR had convinced me to watch some human propaganda movie about an alien race invading Earth and then – completely unrealistically, but still common in human movies – being defeated by human germs. I know what you all must be thinking: how is it that something as pathetically _puny_ as human germs could stop a SUPERIOR species from conquering a planet as backwards and INFERIOR as Earth? I thought the same thing, at first.

But then I looked into it – apparently, native germs really HAVE been known to destroy invading races. Usually in horribly painful ways, like making them explode, or melting their innards down into a disgusting dooky-like substance.

No one is turning ZIM into dooky!

I quickly ordered a pair of micro goggles from planet Callnowia, which would allow me to see all germs within my base – and they were everywhere! My entire _glorious_ base was infested! I realized that in all the time I've been on Earth, I must have left my base wide open to let these_ disgusting_ creatures waltz in.

But no more! Zim will not be defeated by any inhabitant of this _pathetic_ dirtball of a planet, be they human or otherwise! I quickly acquired every sort of cleaning product available on Earth and went to work purging my base and everything in it of the germs; for example, I dunked this journal in a bucket of disinfectant and left it in there for a few hours.

During that time, I have gone over every nook and cranny of my base at least twice and exterminated every last single _filthy_ germ. I just watched the last one wither up and die under my mighty spray can of DOOM! Now, there is nothing left within my base to damage my Irken purity.

Is that the door? Oh, it's just GIR, and – oh my gods, he's covered in germs! And coming right at me! No, GIR! Stay away! Stay away!

AAHHHHHHH!

XXXXXXX

**Entry #017**

Haven't… eaten… or recharged… in… two days. Can't think of anything… but cleaning. I'm losing MY MIND! MY BRILLIANT MIND!

I've tied GIR up outside, but the germs keep coming! They're _everywhere!_ No matter what I do, more and more germs keep showing up! I've done nothing but fight them for the past 48 hours – I haven't gone to Skool, I haven't tried to think up any plans to conquer the Earth, and I actually hung up on the Tallest! I could get executed for that!

There has to be a way to get rid of these things! There has to be! But how do I – what the heck!

Aw, _etchuta!_

My spray can's almost empty! Damn it! I'll report back in later, I need to get more supplies before I'm overwhelmed!

XXXXXXX

**Entry #018**

VICTORY! I have found the perfect way to protect myself from the germs!

As much as I hate to admit it, I have to thank the pig-smellies for this one. While I was on my way to buy more cleaning supplies, GIR grabbed the spray can and ran into a _filthy_ restaurant called "Mac Meaties". But the thing is, while the restaurant is filthy, the meat itself is germ-free!

I interrogated the burger-lord about this, and learned that this is because the meat is made from a germ-resistant material – napkins! I quickly bought as much as the meat as I could, and am now wearing it around my body. Now, I shall be forever protected from the germs when outside my sterilized base, and Zim shall not explode into goo!

…Of course, there's the slight problem that the meat seems to have _fused_ to my superior flesh. That was quite painful; I imagine removing it will be even more so.

Ah well. I'll worry about it later – I have Skool to attend.

Invader Zim signing off!

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**A/N: Hmm, this one was a **_**lot**_** shorter than I wanted it to be. And I couldn't end this one on the same laugh that I try to do with all journal entries; but I hope you all enjoyed anyway.**

**And on another note, happy Fourth of July!**

**Read and review!**


	7. Entry 019 to Entry 021

**A/N: Okay, someone went and rearranged the episode production code list I found online, so now it's saying that "Dark Harvest" was produced a while after "NanoZim"; so to those of you who said earlier that I was doing episodes out of order, I apologize, you were right. But one way or another, **_**now**_** I am up to "NanoZim", so I hope you all enjoy it.**

**Read on!**

**Disclaimer: ****If thou dost thinketh this humble one owneth Invader Zim or any related characters, then thou dost have far too many illegal substances in thine body.**

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**Entry #019**

I _hate_ the Dib-Monkey. Hate, hate, HATE! My day was going so well, and then he _ruined_ it!

Earlier today, I started genetically growing weasels that shoot lasers from their eyes – yes, yes, I _know _that it's brilliant – and while I was waiting for them to ripen into fully-grown weasels, I decided to kill time by doing some minor repairs on my PAK. Not that there's anything _wrong_ with my PAK, of course. Zim's PAK is superior to all, just like Zim himself is!

Anyway, while I was doing the repairs, the base's intruder alarms went off. I immediately reattached my PAK and made my way back up to the house level, where everything was – seemingly – normal, except for the fact that GIR had left the front door wide open. Again.

I really need to do something about that robot one of these days…

But back to the point: after I was done scolding GIR, I attempted to return to the lab to check on the weasels. However, before I could make use of the elevator located in the living room, there was a flash of light as my picture was taken – without my brilliant disguise on!

I quickly discovered that Dib – wearing a stealth suit – had infiltrated the base and was clinging to the ceiling. Oh, he cleverly tried to trick me into thinking that it _wasn't_ him who had taken my picture, but Zim is not so easily fooled! I attempted to apprehend him, but the insolent fool boy was too quick and escaped out the window… which GIR had also left open.

Like I said, I need to do something GIR one of these days. If not for him, Dib never would have broken into the base in the first place, let alone escaped from it!

But, there is no need to fear! For I, ZIM, have already come up with a plan to stop Dib from using the pictures he took to compromise the mission. Tomorrow, I shall enact this plan and not only destroy the evidence of my existence, but eliminate the threat Dib poses to me once and for all!

MWA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA – ERK! EGH! GAH!

…Ugh, I need a lozenge.

XXXXXXX

**Entry #020**

Well, so far things are going exactly as my brilliant mind has planned. I have placed myself within a single-person multi-purpose fighter craft and have shrunk both it and myself down to microscopic size. After that was done, I flew to the Skool – which took longer than it should have, since I'm now so small – and planted myself within the peas that Dib was eating. Then, all I had to do was wait for him to eat me, thus allowing me access to the interior of his _filthy_ body.

It is absolutely DIGUSTING! Too much so for me to even _begin_ to describe. In fact, I think this whole incident is even more disgusting than that time that I stole organs from everyone in the Skool. It's all I can do right now to not regurgitate everything in the digestive section of my squeedly-spooch.

However, I am getting off topic.

As I was saying, the pig-smelly has unknowingly absorbed me into his body, and I have now taken the liberty of attaching my ship to his arm control nerve – which is in his stomach, of all places. I will _never_ understand these little dirt-worms and their weird anatomy…

In any case, now I just need to wait until the Dib returns to home. Then, when I know where he has put the pictures he took of me, I will take control of his arms and destroy the evidence of my superior non-human nature. And when I am done with that, I'm thinking that I will go to his brain-meats and melt them down into dooky. Then, after he has been reduced to a drooling idiot, nothing shall stop Zim from the conquest of this planet – not even drool!

XXXXXXX

**Entry #021**

Good news and bad news: the good news is that I have been successful (obviously, since I am ZIM!) in my primary goal of destroying Dib's photographic evidence of my existence. The bad news is that somehow, despite my superior intelligence, I have failed to eliminate the stink beast himself.

Things were going so well, too. Just as Dib was about to mail the disk containing all of the photos he'd taken of me to some television network, I used my position at his arm control nerve to seize control of his limbs and used them to smash the disk to dust. I then hacked into the communication frequency used by his television and revealed that it was me, Zim, who was now in control of his body.

Instead of being impressed, like he should have been, the worm-baby instead pointed out that he had copies of the pictures hidden away in case of emergency. Of course, this backfired on the monkey, as I was still inside his body when he told me this. And since I was already planning on going to his _filthy_ brain and making him a stupid imbecile for the rest of his pathetically short human life, I decided to first erase Dib's memory of where he hid the backup disk.

I know what you all must be thinking: why bother to erase that memory if I was just going to completely destroy his mind anyway? To that, I have but this to say – SILENCE! Zim was being dramatic!

However, before I could get to the Dib-Monkey's brain, he inserted some kind of remote-controlled nano-ship into his body and attempted to fight me. He failed miserably, of course; seriously, I was kicking his _chort'a_ all over the place. Even after he managed to transform his ship into a combat robot form (only after I did, copycat-ing little human…), he still stood no chance against Zim's superior Invader skills. Eventually, I just got bored and disabled his arm control nerve, thus rendering him incapable of using the controls for his nano-ship.

I then proceeded to erase Dib's memory of the disk's location, but before I could unleash painful doom upon the rest of his brain-meats, someone else took control of the nano-ship and attacked me… I think it was his sister. Out of all the humans I've met, this Gaz person is the only one other than the Dib-Stink who has ever noticed that I am not a _filthy_ human, but unlike her brother she never interferes with me and my plans unless it affects her directly – I'm not even sure why she bothered to stop me this time. But she did, and she thoroughly smashed my ship to pieces, leaving me to drift somewhere in Dib's lower intestines.

-_Sigh_-

If only she were Irken. Between the two of us, this planet wouldn't stand a chance…

-_Ahem_-

In any case, the defeat by Gaz's hand wasn't the worst part – it was what her stink-beast sibling did afterwards that really _frags_ me off. As I said, my ship was left floating in Dib's lower intestines, so after he managed to regain control of his limbs he, uh, shall we say… _expelled_ me from his body. I thought it was disgusting when I _into_ his body, but getting _out_ was even worse. Now, I have more reason than ever to kill the Dib – he will PAY for delivering this humiliation onto ZIM!

But that will have to wait. Because as soon as I get back to the base, the first thing that I'm going to do is have a nice, long session in the cleansing chamber.

Invader Zim signing off.

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**A/N: And there you have it. Hope nobody minds me slipping in a few ZAGR hints here and there; it's my favorite pairing by far, but I can't write it as a major plot point to save my life. So, I might as well settle for just implying it, don't you think?**

**Until next time, read and review!**


	8. Entry 022 to Entry 024

**A/N: Here we go people, Zim's POV for "Attack of the Saucer Morons", which is another one of my favorite episodes (the cult members are **_**hilarious**_**). Read on!**

**Disclaimer: Since I am not Jhonen Vasquez or one of his split personalities, I therefore do not own Invader Zim.**

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**Entry #022**

It's days like this that I, ZIM, wish that the Cold Unfeeling Robot Arm had never activated me. Last night I was out doing reconnaissance on human transportation vehicles – during which I had the pleasure of making a _pathetic _human law enforcement vehicle crash into a giant weenie and explode – when I lost control of the Voot and crashed into the woods outside the _disgusting_ human city my base is situated near.

And do you know why? It was a bee. A _filthy_ little Earth BEE!

It somehow caused all the vital systems onboard the Voot to short-circuit; some of them even got all explodey (to use the technical term) and set the ship on fire. Like I said, when this happened I crashed into the woods, at which point the emergency ejection system kicked in and threw me from the ship. Not when I was still in the air and could have landed safely on the ground, mind you; it was after I had already crashed, at which point my painful agonizing pain was increased by being sent flying across the hard ground.

To make matters worse, I couldn't even bring the Voot back to base with me – there was some sort of interference keeping me from communicating with GIR and ordering him to bring a tow vehicle to pick the Voot up (the interference itself sounded oddly like Earth music… loud, _annoying_ Earth music). So, I had to leave the Voot in the woods for the night while I made my way back to base.

But on the bright side, I have acquired a Voot Cruiser Carrier to retrieve the Voot with tomorrow, so there shouldn't be too much of a problem there. And I have even come up with the perfect disguise for the Carrier – yes, none of the humans shall ever suspect a floating pig of being abnormal. I am BRILLIANT!

And then, once I have retrieved and repaired the Voot, I shall hunt down that evil death bee and make it pay for bringing harm to ZIM!

XXXXXXX

**Entry #023**

Well, that _definitely_ could have gone better. After donning my secondary disguise – the one I designed and first used during that _complete _failure of a reconnaissance trip into the filthy human city with GIR – I took the recovery vehicle and headed towards the spot in the woods where I left the Voot. Unfortunately, to my total horror, I found that a bunch of insane dirt-monkeys had found the Voot and claimed it as a "downed alien love ship".

Like I said, the pig-smellies were all insane.

However, I knew that despite this group's insanity in particular and the small size of the human brain in general there was still a possibility of them reverse-engineering something from studying my SUPERIOR Irken technology. This was something that Zim could not allow.

Unfortunately, the humans wouldn't let anyone near the "love ship" that wasn't a member of their idiotic cult. The foolish pig-smellies actually had the gall to then make me take an initiation to prove that I was worthy to get anywhere near to my _OWN SHIP!_ I hate this planet!

Despite my protests, the crazy dirt-worms dragged me off and subjected my beautiful Irken body to all sorts of painful and humiliating so-called tests that the Tallest themselves could not get me to go into detail about. After their leader (some dried-up male who looked older than the Control Brains) decided that I had passed the tests – how, Zim does not understand, when the tests themselves made no sense – I thought that I would now have a chance to reclaim my ship and get the heck out of there.

And that's when I noticed that they had found the recovery vehicle.

HOW?! How could they have realized that the floating pig was really an advanced alien machine?!

In any case, I then had to fight with some fat cow-woman for control of the recovery vehicle. And while I managed to defeat her with the superior combat skills I learned at the Academy and on Devastis, my disguise was knocked off in the process. For a moment I panicked – I thought the humans would hand me over to their authorities, who would then experiment on me. Instead, the whole cult of nut job Earth-monkeys began treating me like some sort of prophesized savior or something.

Now don't get me wrong. Normally, Zim is all too happy to have people praise his name and willing to kiss his _chort'a._ Especially when those people happen to be inferior beings like humans. But these particular humans were _so_ irritating; one of them even asked me to bless the corns on his _disgusting_ toes.

Gods, I just wanted to gut them all with a spork…

But then I _finally_ had my first bit of luck in the past couple of days and managed to contact GIR. Following my BRILLIANT instructions, he inserted himself into a mechanical suit designed to look like a human government agent. He quickly told them that I was really an experimental government aircraft – which impressed me; for once GIR had an idea that was almost on the same caliber as my genius – and that he had come to take me back to the "home base".

Unfortunately, that malfunctioning idiot then ruined everything by falling out of the suit, exposing himself to the idiot cult-humans. However, before the pathetic fools could do anything, I loaded the Voot, grabbed GIR, and took off in the Carrier. The take off and escape were a little shaky – I may have smashed through a fence or two – due to my intense need to escape the smelly humans, but I still managed to get away. Although, even after I had escaped the main group I still had to get rid of one of the stink-beasts, who had managed to get onboard the recovery vehicle… I'd still like to know _how_ exactly.

Anyway, despite all that, this mission has still been a success. I have retrieved my Voot, and thus eliminated all physical evidence of my presence here on Earth – it's not like anyone's going to believe those lunatic pig smellies, after all. Yes, everything's finally coming up Zim!

MWA, HA, HA, HA – huh? What's that sound?

Oh, no… not the bee AGAIN!

AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

-_Static_-

XXXXXXX

**Entry #024**

Well, I'm still alive… but my good mood's _ruined._ That stupid evil death bee made the recovery craft crash, just like the Voot; what's worse, this time the crash site was into a building that was hosting a scientific convention on the possibility of alien life.

Fortunately, since I am Zim, I was quickly able to come up with a brilliant plan – I told them all that there was something interesting behind them. When the whole audience turned around, I grabbed GIR and the barely functioning recovery vehicle and ran out of there like there was a hungry Hogulus chasing me.

In any case, both the Voot _and_ the Carrier are now being repaired and should be back to fully operational status by tomorrow. But, I am still angry – this whole mess could have been avoided, if not for that accursed BEE! Oh, when I take over this planet, the first thing I'm going to do is exterminate that entire species!

After I kill the Dib-Worm, of course. That's still on top of my agenda.

Invader Zim, signing off.

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**A/N: Eh, I couldn't come up with a good ending for this one. But, I was just trying to tie up the loose end that the episode ends on (something I'm going to be trying to do in other episodes). Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed.**

**Read and review!**


	9. Entry 025 to Entry 027

**A/N: I know, you all want an update to "Evolution", but as soon as I got back from my vacation I developed a serious case of writer's block. So, while I'm working on it, I decided on doing another journal entry to keep you all satisfied (and let you know that I'm not dead). This time, I'm covering "The Wettening" and Zim's reaction to the discovery of his greatest weakness.**

**Read on!**

**Disclaimer: In some parallel reality, I own Invader Zim and the show is still on the air, preferably winning Emmys. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in.**

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**Entry #025**

In my ongoing mission to study every aspect of this _disgusting_ planet and its pathetic dirt-monkey inhabitants, I, ZIM, have discovered what appears to be the Earth's natural defense mechanism. The humans call it "rain", and it appears to be water that falls from the _sky._ I swear, this planet makes less and less sense to me every day…

Anyway, it was yesterday in Ms. Bitters' class that I first noticed this "rain". All those idiot worm-babies were playing with an adhesive called paste, and somehow they all managed to use it to get themselves stuck to each other and their desks – at least one got himself stuck to the ceiling, though I have no idea _how._

It was while Ms. Bitters was lecturing the pig-smellies on this misuse of paste that I first noticed that the rain had started falling. Of course, the Dib had to go and notice my nervousness about this strange new phenomenon and tried to rub my antennae in it; however, I quickly countered this by saying that we _do_ have rain on Irk, and that it is _delicious_.

I AM BRILLIANT!

Unfortunately, the amazing brilliance that is Zim did me no favors once Skool was dismissed while the rain was still pouring down. I took a few moments to observe the humans' normal reaction to this rain-thing – which seems to involve a lot of obnoxious, annoying singing – but when I myself entered the rain in order to show to the Dib-worm that it held no power over me, it was like I had jumped into a tub of acid. The filthy Earth-water burnt and scarred my superior Irken flesh and left me screaming and writhing in pain, while the stink-beast merely watched and laughed.

I now hate the Dib so much I cannot even _begin_ to describe it in this journal…

While seeking refuge from the rain underneath a tree, I noticed the Dib-sibling, Gaz, walking by with a protective device known as an umbrella keeping her dry. As soon as she was close enough that I could minimize exposing my precious Zim-flesh to the rain, I ran forward and grabbed Gaz, using her as a shield. I know I probably could have just stolen her umbrella, but I had a perfectly good reason for using Gaz herself as my protection. I was, uh, er, asserting my dominance! That's right! Zim was asserting his dominance over the human by showing her that the only thing she is worth is to be my shield. Yep, that's the _only_ reason I did it. It had absolutely _nothing_ to do with any secret desire to get near Gaz and make physical contact with her just once.

…

…

-_Ahem_-

Er, maybe I should delete that last sentence? Eh, I'll get around to it later.

Now, where was I? Oh yes, now I remember. Just as the Gaz-human began to threaten to remove my superior limbs if I didn't release her, it stopped raining. I let her go, but before I could go anywhere her _shoo-sen_ of a brother jumped in a puddle formed by the rain and drenched me antennae-to-toe. The two of them then left me there, squirming in pain, but I soon had my Zimmy vengeance! I tracked the two of them, and when the moment was right I jumped out and startled Dib, causing him to fall into a puddle, thus soaking him and giving the stink-beast a taste of his own medicine.

Unfortunately, when he landed in the puddle he splashed Gaz, who then got mad and then did some… _unpleasant_ things to both of us. I'd rather not go into details…

The _PAIN!!!_

In any case, it took most of yesterday and today to heal, and meanwhile I have yet to find a way to counter the human's filthy-burning-pain-water. Oh well, what's the worst that Dib-Stink can do with it?

XXXXXXX

**Entry #026**

Well, good news and bad news: the bad news is that the Dib-Monkey found a way to weaponize the water, by putting it in containers called water balloons. After Skool, the insolent fool actually had the nerve to chase me and use one on me. The pain was no less agonizing than it had been before, but there was an upside and that's the good news: I noticed that a part of my hand that had been covered in paste was not burned by the water from the balloon.

Naturally, since Zim is a genius, I quickly deduced that the paste must have protected me. After running a few more tests in the lab, I discovered that a coating of paste does indeed protect from water damage. So, to sum things up, I now have a defense against the only effective weapon Dib-Stink has against me – but I'm not stopping there. I am going to make that pig-smelly _PAY_ for inflicting such pain and humiliation on the almighty ZIM!

And I have decided that the best way to do that is through – IRONY! I have spent the entire weekend constructing a space station that will absorb every last painful ounce of filthy Earth-water in this city and store it in a giant water balloon. And come Monday, when Dib tries to spring whatever trap he surely has planned for me at Skool, I shall drop _my_ water balloon of DOOM on _his_ colossal head!

Revenge shall be ZIM'S!!!!!

XXXXXXX

**Entry #027**

Zim is always so pleased when a plan goes together so smoothly. As I had predicted, Dib had spent the weekend developing some sort of water balloon-launching device with which the Earth-monkey no doubt intended to subdue me. In order to keep him in one spot – the better to target him with – I planted at the Skool a hologram projector that would generate a duplicate of my gorgeous Irken image.

While my hologram kept Dib distracted, I activated the draining mechanism on my _ingenious_ invention and concentrated all the water in the city, from every source – reservoirs, pools, fountains, fish tanks, toilets – into a single, gigantic water balloon. I then gleefully launched it down onto the city, directly on the Skool's general location, and unleashed watery, doomy vengeance onto Dib and every human in that piece of _etchuta_ city!

Afterwards, I walked among the moist remains of the city – protected by the paste – and viewed what I had wrought. Unfortunately, the Dib was not killed. In fact, no one was even seriously harmed, just stunned. But, that doesn't matter too much; the city is in ruins, and Zim has proven that he does not take an attack on his person lightly.

On the downside, my house has been _completely_ destroyed, and there is now a whale where my kitchen and living room used to be. But, eh, I'll fix that later – right now, I need to get down to the lab and bathe in paste to renew my protective coating. I have a feeling I'm going to be surrounded by water for _quite_ a while.

Heh, heh, ha, ha, ha, HA, HA, HA, HA, H – what the?

Oh, come on! Why does the toilet elevator have to break down while I'm still _inside it?!?!?!_

GIR! GIR, stop playing with the whale and get me out of this _fragging_ thing! GIR!

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

**A/N: And that's that. Hope the way I wrote the ending is as funny as I intended it to be. Anyway, I'll go get back to work on the next chapter of "Evolution".**

**Until then, read and review!**


	10. Entry 028 to Entry 031

**A/N: Here we go, everyone, the latest "Journal" entry. This time I'll be covering Zim's reaction to the hilariously disgusting events of "Career Day". Unfortunately, this is one of those episodes that splits pretty much evenly between Zim and Dib, so there's less focus on our favorite Invader, which in turns means that this chapter will be on the shorter side.**

**That said, read on!**

**Disclaimer: I had a dream once that I owned Invader Zim. Then Jhonen Vazquez showed up and hit me with a giant clam. Not sure what that means…**

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**Entry #028**

Today has proven to be rather interesting for a day spent on this disgusting dirt-ball of stink. According to Ms. Bitters, the Skool board wanted all the worm-baby students to prepare themselves for their pathetic futures (not that any of them will HAVE futures, once ZIM is done with this planet) and in order to do that, they have arranged for each student to spend the day with a service drone in the field of employment that they will most likely end up in. And they decided what those fields would be by having us take a test that somehow used inkblots to determine what we are good at.

_Humans…_

Anyway, when I received my test, I just wrote the first thing that came to my brilliant mind when I saw the inkblots – human slaves. Why not? It's not like the amazing brain-meats of Zim will be wasted thinking of anything else other than the mission. Even though, it took me awhile to write my answers down on the test, since my neck wouldn't stop being itchy.

As soon as the test was complete, Ms. Bitters collected all of the answers and put them in a machine that would compile them in order to decide what careers we were all best suited for. After a few minutes, the old crone began announcing the results; somehow, despite my superior nature (what with being Zim and all), instead of being declared future overlord of all humans, the machine said that the only career that I am capable of performing in is food preparation.

That brought up some VERY unpleasant memories, but I ignored it. After all, I am ZIM, and Zim can turn any negative into a positive. I will start as a food service drone and work my way up until I am master of this planet, and I will rule the humans with an iron fist!

Obey the fist humans!

Now, where was I? Oh yes… after we were each assigned our future careers, we were handed off to our respective superiors. Not that any mere human is superior to Zim, of course, but you know what I mean.

As I waited my turn to be taken to the job site I would be working at, the Dib-beast just _had_ to fulfill his "annoyance of Zim" quota for the day. Apparently, he was the only one in the class to get the job he actually _wanted_ – to be a professional investigator of that para-whatever that he's always blabbing about. The fool-boy actually seems to think that with an adult Earth-monkey aiding him, he can finally expose me as an alien and have me experimented on.

Yeah right. Two humans or two thousand, Zim shall never be defeated!

That was when my "superior" showed up; a McMeaties employee named Simon. He didn't explain much about the job, since he said his break was almost over, and quickly escorted me from the Skool. In fact, I'm riding on his back right now – yes, his back. The stupid pig-smelly doesn't even have a transportation vehicle… but, on the bright side, this is another example of my superiority over the humans. After all, why should Zim strain his superior feet over long distances when he could easily have a human carry him?

Meanwhile, my neck is still so ITCHY! And I think I feel bumps forming on it, too. Something on this stupid rotating ball of dooky must be giving me a rash. I'll have to remember to check it out when I get back to the base…

No, human, Zim is not talking to you. Now, stop talking and take me to the meat!

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**Entry #029**

I HATE THIS PLACE!

It's just like back at FoodCourtia, except with humans and without that mess in booth 12… I still have nightmares about that.

But this place is still HORRIBLE! All I've been doing all day is dump things in this disgusting human grease (which has actually splashed on me and burned my precious Zimmy flesh several times now) and fill up cups with liquefied meat for the stink-beasts. Who the _frag_ drinks liquefied meat?!

And to make matters even more unbearable, my stupid rash is getting worse! My throat is actually starting to SWELL! This must be Dib's fault – that stupid bigheaded pain in my _c'horta_ probably did something to me. Oh, he will pay for this, and soon! I can tell that Simon and the other human employees are impressed with my superior skills; soon, they will promote me, I can feel it. And since, according to the sign outside, over 8 billion humans – more than the entire population – serve McMeaties, once I am promoted to leader I will have an entire army to use against Dib.

Yes, I will make him sorry that he EVER messed with ZIM! MWA, HA, HA, HA, HA, H – UGH! ERK! GAH!

Stupid rash! Now I can't even laugh right!

XXXXXXX

**Entry #030**

GAH! This cannot be happening! I just found out from one of the hideous customers that today is the day of the galactic equinox! The day when all the planets in the galaxy line up _just_ right, making all beings not on their own worlds suffer a _horrible_ molt. _That_ is what this stupid rash is! Oh, why didn't I recognize it sooner? Zim is a genius! I'm supposed to know these sorts of things!

I have to get out of here – if I'm in public when the molt happens, I'll be exposed! The mission will be ruined! But, I can't just leave; according to the Simon-human, if I do that, I'll never get promoted. And I am _so_ close to promotion, I can practically taste it – it tastes like nachos!

My only hope is that I can convince the shift captain to let me take a break just before the equinox; that should give me enough time to hide… I hope.

XXXXXXX

**Entry #031**

Well… that could have DEFINITELY gone better. Despite Zim's incredible powers of persuasion, I was unable to convince the shift captain to let me off early. As five o'clock - the exact minute of the equinox - approached, my usual calm and collected persona faded, and I nearly lost my BRILLIANT mind!

Fortunately, at the last moment something happened outside the McMeaties that drew the humans' attention. Something about someone chasing someone else; I dunno, Zim wasn't paying attention, so it couldn't have been _that_ important. But in any case, it distracted the humans long enough for me to go through the molt.

It was, in a word, DIGUSTING! Zim's normally beautiful face turned into a hideous oozing mass, a pus-filled blob that quickly filled up the entire building. It only lasted a minute, but still… it was without a doubt the _most_ disgusting thing that has _ever_ happened to me.

The worst part is, the pus left behind by the molt made McMeaties even filthier than it already was, so the shift captain fired me. Which means that Zim can say goodbye to any chance of being promoted to one day ruling McMeaties and its billions of servants. All that hard work for nothing...

-_sigh_-

Zim needs a vacation.

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**A/N: Huh, that wasn't as short as I thought it would be. Anyway, it might be awhile before I update this, since for once I do NOT have any writer's block for "Evolution", and I want to roll with that for as long as I can.**

**Until next time, read and review!**


	11. Entry 032 to Entry 034

**A/N: Okay, consider this update filler while I work on my Halloween special and the next chapter of "Evolution". Oh, and since Zim didn't show up at all in "Battle Dib", I'm skipping over that and going straight into "Planet Jackers".**

**Read on!**

**Disclaimer: I own Invader Zim. And if you believe that, I can also get you a great deal on the Brooklyn Bridge…**

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**Entry #032**

Something very strange is going on. Earlier, I was using my super-telescope-thing-a-ma-bob to spy on… err, I mean, _observe_, my fellow Invaders. I decided to do this so that I could see how much better I am doing than them – which I have to be, since, after all, I am ZIM!

Despite that, all the others that I saw were somehow doing better than me! Flobee has conquered a large number of his natives through a disguise that's almost as brilliant as mine (_almost_ being the key word); Stink seems to have devastated at least one major city; Skutch seems to be burning everything on his planet…

But I'm getting off subject.

It was while I was observing Skutch that my telescope suddenly stopped working. No matter what I did, the stupid piece of dooky just kept showing static. At first, I thought that GIR had broken it – since he breaks _everything_ – but he swore that he didn't do it. So, obviously, the brilliant brain-meats of Zim have figured out that some outside force is messing with my equipment. And the fact that something then caused an earthquake that made my observatory fall apart has only added to that conclusion.

Zim has his suspicions as to what is causing this – especially after observing some sort of electrical disturbance in the sky – but I need another powerful telescope in order to confirm it. Unfortunately, the only piece of equipment on this _pathetic_ excuse of a planet that is even remotely close enough and powerful enough to serve my purposes belongs to that irritating Dib-human. I need to figure out what's going on, true, but still…

I will _not_ lower myself to asking the Dib for help! Zim has his pride!

XXXXXXX

**Entry #033**

-_sigh_-

Okay, so Zim doesn't have as much pride as he used to. The mere knowledge that I actually asked that annoying stink-beast for help makes me sick to my squeedly-spooch.

And the worst part is, even though I actually had the courage to go through that humiliation, the Dib still refused to help me, or even listen to me explain the situation – and then he hit me in the head with a lamp!

How dare he damage the superior head of ZIM?!

Now I have no choice but to go and investigate the disturbances in the sky first-hand. Not that I'm _afraid_ or anything, just nervous… anyone who says Zim is afraid of anything is a lying sack of potatoes!

Yes. Potatoes.

XXXXXXX

**Entry #034**

Good news, bad news, and some more good news: The good news is that I figured out what was causing the strange disturbances in the sky and the earthquakes – unfortunately, the bad news is that it was all the work of the Planet Jackers! But the other good news is that I, ZIM, have defeated them!

Ah, but perhaps Zim should go into detail about his amazing victory:

After a malfunction of the Voot's g-force compensators (which I could have sworn I fixed) sent us flying out of control into the sky, we crashed into a giant screen. It was at this time that my brilliant mind deduced what was happening – the Planet Jackers had stolen the Earth with the intention of using it as fuel for their dying sun.

Obviously, I couldn't allow that to happen. After all, if anyone is going to destroy Earth, it is going to be ZIM!

With this determination in mind, I quickly found a way out of the dome encasing Earth, and made my way to the Planet Jacker ship guiding it. I confronted the two _hideous _and _stupid_ Jackers piloting the ship, and reminded them that they were in violation of the Irken/Planet Jacker treaty, which forbids the theft of any planet marked for Irken conquest.

And you know what? Those two filthies actually had the nerve to claim that Earth _wasn't_ marked for conquest! Who do they think they're fooling?! Do they really think that I'm going to believe that the Tallest haven't announced my glorious mission?!

And then they had the nerve to _shoot_ at me! Me! ZIM!

Oh, but I made them pay… just not all at once.

First, I tried to use my superior Irken strength to rip apart the cable connecting the Planet Jacker ship with the device containing Earth. Unfortunately, this attracted the attention of the Jackers themselves, and the larger of the two then dared to attack me and toss me away from the ship.

I had GIR catch me in the Voot, and then I came up with another, even more brilliant, plan. I decided to use the Voot's side pods to cut the container in half, thus setting the Earth free – and Zim would like to take a moment to remind whoever reads this that I only saved the Earth so that I could destroy it later.

Got it?

In order to keep the Jackers busy while the Voot pods did their job, I challenged the large one to combat. He inflicted pain on Zim, yes, but… err… I, uh, let him. That's right, I let him hurt me, because I knew that the fight was just a diversion. If it had been a _real_ fight, then that grotesque sack of _etchuta_ would have felt the full wrath of ZIIIM!

So, while I let the Jacker pummel me, he and his partner didn't notice the pods cut the planet container in two. When that was done, GIR contacted me about it, and I made a quick retreat.

So, those two idiots are probably reaching their home system right about now, only to find that they have been outwitted by the amazing genius of Zim. That'll teach them to mess with an Irken Invader. And, most importantly, the Earth has _not_ been destroyed by the Planet Jacker's sun; which means that I _will _destroy it!

…Just as soon as I can feel my legs again.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

**A/N: There we go: short, but hopefully enjoyable. Anyway, this was just to tide you all over until I update "Evolution" or post my Halloween special. Oh, and so that I didn't go a whole month without updating this; there's that too.**

**In any case, read and review!**


	12. Entry 035 to Entry 037

**A/N: Okay, I know it's been forever since I last updated this, but I've been busy with other things, and it's not like this is a **_**real**_** story, anyway, so it doesn't need to be updated regularly.**

**In any case, here's the next journal entry. For those of you who've lost track since the last time, we are now up to "Rise of the Zitboy", which is one of my favorite episodes (though nothing tops "Backseat Drivers from Beyond the Stars" in my opinion). So, this should be fun.**

**Read on!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Invader Zim, I would have made sure that, at the very least, the second season had been completed. Unfortunately, Mr. Vasquez apparently didn't feel that the fans deserved that much.**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

**Entry #035**

I have noticed something. Which is to say that I have noticed something more so than usual, for Zim sees and knows ALL! 'Cause, you know, I'm Zim.

Anyway, what I've noticed is that I've been letting myself get lax lately. While I was carrying off a _very_ important experiment involving the escape velocities of chickens, I was interrupted by an intruder alarm. I quickly rushed up to the surface level, where, after _extensive_ reconnaissance work you'd expect from an AMAZING Invader such as myself, I discovered that Dib was attempting to once again infiltrate the base of Zim. To give the pig-smelly _some_ credit, his disguise was rather clever – though not as clever as my disguises, of course. No mere _human_ could ever outmatch ZIM when it comes to the cleverness of disguises!

Anyway, when I confronted the Dib-Stink, the insolent fool dared to claim that if he wanted to, he could easily infiltrate my base without me knowing it. He even claimed that there was a flaw in my security system – which is impossible because I designed them myself, and Zim does _not_ make mistakes! And even if I did – which I _don't_ – there is no way that an oversized monkey on a dooky-filled backwater rock like Earth could possibly be capable of exploiting it!

At least… that's what I _thought_. Mere moments after I scared Dib off of my property, a delivery drone from that pig pizza showed up and walked right up to my front door. The security gnomes didn't even fire at him once!

So, maybe there _is_ some kind of flaw in my security system. Probably left over from the Vortian base codes that I built my system around. Stupid goats can't do anything right…

In any case, I will not rest until I have found this flaw! Zim shall not leave himself vulnerable to enemy infiltration! Zim shall be triumphant! Zim shall be victorious! Zim shall-

-_Gagging noises_-

Oh, Irk… I'm sorry, I can't think straight with the smell of all that cheese on GIR's pizza. Why must he enjoy things that offend Zim's superior senses? I'll have to finish this later – first, I'm going to get that useless hunk of tin to get rid of that human filth!

XXXXXXX

**Entry #036**

Well, this has certainly been an… _interesting_ development. While trying to get GIR to just stop being so disgusting with the pizza, Zim once again fell victim to his stupidity. GIR jumped onto my head and got me completely covered in filthy grease, and it took forever to get him off. And then, when trying to remove the filth with cleansing chalk, I found that GIR had replaced it with BACON!

But that is when the interesting bit happened. Zim does not know whether it was the grease or the bacon or both, but something caused Zim's perfect face to suddenly be blemished by a bump of some kind. According to what GIR learned from the TV, this is what the humans call a "pimple". Realizing that this… _thing_ would compromise my mission, since the humans would see me as some kind of hideous freak, I quickly acquired a sample of anti-pimple medical goo advertised on TV.

Which backfired _horribly_. The pimple – perhaps due to Zim's superior Irken DNA being not what the medication was meant for – swelled to the size of a human smeet's head. And then to add insult to injury, GIR, in his infinite stupidity, went and drew a face on the pimple, making it look like there was an actually head growing out of my own superior cranium. And that's when things got interesting.

It would seem that due to a combination of the face drawn on the pimple's translucent surface and the swirling filth liquids within it, this hideous blemish on Zim's beautiful face has hypnotic powers of a sort. I discovered this when I accidentally managed to hypnotize GIR into obeying me without doing something stupid seconds later. And that is when Zim's brilliant brain-meats came to an AMAZING realization – if I could bend someone as absent minded as _GIR_ to my will that easily, then I could do it to humans as well. In particular, I could force Dib to tell me the flaw in my security systems, thus giving Zim back his fortress.

But the first thing to do was to disguise the pimple so that no one would realize its true nature (thus distracting from its power). So, I quickly grabbed parts from the storage room where Zim keeps things that he doesn't need except for when he… needs them, for things that… he needs them for…

-_Awkward silence_-

Zim could have perhaps phrased that better – but you couldn't have! Your speech methods are nowhere near as good as ZIM'S! And in any case, Zim then used those parts to create a little body for the pimple, thus making it look like a person is hanging off of my face. I have named this dummy Pustulio, and with him as an extension of Zim's will, Zim shall be triumphant!

XXXXXXX

**Entry #037**

Victory for Zim! The plan has gone exactly as I had hoped. Upon arriving at Skool, I used Pustulio to hypnotize almost every filthy human worm-baby on the premises, and they all fell to Zim's power within minutes. The only one who was spared my swift conquest was the Dib-Sister, and that was just because she was focusing on reading a book instead of looking at Pustulio.

Now, I know what you must be thinking, "Why, almighty and magnificent Zim, did you not simply _force_ her to look at Pustulio and be hypnotized?"

Well, the truth is, and Zim is only a little ashamed to admit this… I respect Gaz. I know it may seem odd to say something like that about a mere _skaatel_ child, but she does beat Dib up and make his life miserable on an almost daily basis, so I can't help but respect that. Plus, there is just something… appealing about her that Zim cannot quite put his finger on.

-_Thoughtful murmuring_-

Anyway, once I had hypnotized most of the filthy stink children, I brought them with me into the classroom; I knew that Dib would soon follow me, and that the close quarters of the classroom would be the perfect place to capture him. And, as always, Zim was right!

The Dib-Stink heroically burst into the room, no doubt determined to save his fellow dirt-monkeys from enslavement to the might of Zim. Unfortunately for the fool boy, the children were already bent to my will, and quickly restrained him for me, at which point I forced him to look into Pustulio.

True, he resisted, but Zim would have been disappointed if he hadn't; and in any case, he ultimately fell to Pustulio's hypnotic trance, and became Zim's mind slave. When this was done, I quickly did what I had set out to do and forced him to tell me the flaw in my security systems… and I was surprised to find that it was nothing wrong with the programming as I had originally thought, but simply due to a blind spot that could be covered with more gnome drones.

Before I could even fully process this – though not before I celebrated my victory, of course – Pustulio suddenly swelled up to massive sizes and burst. A huge tidal wave of pus swept over the classroom, ruining it and, more to the point, freeing everyone from my mind control, meaning I no longer had an army of obedient slaves at my command. Still, Dib was disoriented enough that Zim was able to make a quick escape, and I have already begun planting more gnomes to cover my blind spot.

So, like I said, victory for Zim… if you ignore the fact that I'm covered in pus and will probably smell like dooky for the next several days. Why must there always be complications? Why can't Zim simply have the victory that is rightfully mine without something going wrong and spoiling it? Is that so much to ask of the universe? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Ergh, I'm giving myself a headache… when I'm done boosting the security field, I need to remember to break out one of those bottles of Vortian fire-whiskey in Zim's private stash. I could use it.

Invader Zim, signing off.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

**A/N: Huh, that didn't turn out nearly as funny as I had hoped it would. Hope I do better than this in future entries based on the really funny episodes.**

**Anyway, please read and review!**


	13. Entry 038 to Entry 040

**Okay, I know it's been forever since I've updated… well, **_**anything.**_** But, I've had serious writer's block on GA for months now, and I wanted to get something up for New Year's, so I decided to finally put up a new Journal entry. For those who have forgotten, we're up to "Invasion of the Idiotic Dog Brain", another one of the really funny ones.**

**So, with that pathetic excuse out of the way, read on!**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

**Entry #038**

Well, this is just _fragging_ great! How could this have happened? And why? ! Why does the universe hate Zim so much? !

It all started so simply. Apparently there was still a problem with my security field even after I planted more gnomes, because some human smeet just walked into my house – in the middle of a call to the Tallest, no less – and was there for several minutes before his maternal unit also showed up and dragged him away.

Realizing that the problem must have been with the house computer's A.I. brain, I decided to replace it. Unfortunately, I required someone to watch the data stream to make sure there weren't any problems while I replaced the brain, so I gave that job to GIR. This has proven to be a _big_ mistake (yes, Zim makes mistakes. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen), as somehow, during the brain transfer, GIR got caught in the data stream, and got his teeny-tiny mind transferred into the base computers.

Let Zim repeat that for those not paying attention to his magnificent voice: GIR, my stupid, psychotic robot, is now controlling my base! My beautiful base! Being controlled by that moron!

And he wasted no time at all being idiotic. First, he used the base's maintenance arms to squeeze me like one of his moose toys. Then, when I was in the elevator, he wouldn't move it unless I danced for him. Zim does not dance! Am I some kind of Vortian prostitute? !

But like I said, he wouldn't move the elevator until I danced for him – and for that matter, he wouldn't stop singing either. So in order to shut him up and get him to move the stupid elevator, I actually degraded myself by dancing for him. And if that weren't bad enough, instead of sending me to the equipment room like I asked (so I could find a way to fix this mess), he sent rocketing up into the house.

Now I'm stuck in this house, cut off from my labs by a completely insane A.I. that's spent the last several hours messing around with every device hardwired or remotely connected to the mainframe. That includes at least a dozen vid-screens playing various human programs, at obnoxiously loud levels, that have surrounded me and won't shut up!

But, Zim must look on the bright side. Not even GIR can keep this up forever. Sooner or later, he _has_ to get bored. Hopefully, when that happens I'll be able to talk him into letting me fix this mess.

Now, I just have to wait…

XXXXXXX

**Entry #039**

I can't take it anymore! How long have I been stuck here? Days? Weeks? Months? I've completely lost track of time – GIR won't let me into the labs to fix this, he won't let me out of the house to continue my mission, and worst of all, he still won't SHUT! UP! Not even for two minutes! I can barely get any recharge in due to all this noise.

If this doesn't stop soon, I'm going to go insane! Me! Zim! Insane! Can you imagine that?

XXXXXXX

**Entry #040**

Ah, it's good to have things back to normal. Ironically enough, I have GIR's idiocy to thank for that.

Not that it _seemed_ particularly helpful at the time. GIR wanted to get some of that _filthy_ Mexican food of his, so he transformed the base into a mech in order to get there… I didn't know it could do that.

What I _did_ know (since Zim is all knowing… er, except for the house-mech thing), was that a giant four-legged house running amuck through the streets would draw unwanted attention from the dirt-monkeys. And I was right! As soon as GIR started crushing stuff, the stink-human law enforcement started chasing us like a Hogulus after fresh meat.

Fortunately, once we had purchased the tacos, I was able to use them to bribe GIR into taking the base back to where it belonged. And along the way, we even managed to get rid of the law drones chasing in a deliciously destructive manner.

HA! Foolish worm-babies! That'll teach you to mess with superior Irken technology!

Anyway, once we were back where we're supposed to be, I was able to further use the tacos to blackmail GIR. Since he didn't have a body, he didn't have a _mouth_, so he wasn't able to actually _eat_ any of these meat-filled corn tubes of human filth. So, after getting that point across into his advanced-to-the-point-of-being-stupid brain, I was able to convince him to allow me into the labs, and I was able to get him back into his body and the proper A.I. brain installed.

Of course, the first thing I did was contact the Tallest and let them know that I wasn't dead after so long without contact. And of course they were so relieved to see me that they were speechless.

So, now I'm just going to relax – Irk knows I've earned it. And besides, things are back to normal. In fact, they're probably more normal than ever. Even more normal than… uh, something that's very normal, like a normal thing that's normal…

Ah, the heck with this. Zim needs recharge.

Invader Zim signing off.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

**A/N: So, not much there, but I tried to be as in character as I could.**

**Anyway, I am **_**really**_** hoping that I'll have a GA update soon. Hmm, perhaps I'll try a oneshot or two to try and break my writer's block. It's worked before.**

**In any case, read and review, and Happy New Year!**


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